jokes for kids -35-

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jokes for kids -35- 

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock knock. 
Who's there? 
Honey bee. 
Honey bee who? 
Honey bee a dear and get me a soda!







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jokes for kids -34-

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jokes for kids -34- 

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock knock. 
Who's there? 
Interrupting cow. 
Interrup-MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!



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Knock Knock Jokes

Knock knock. 

Who's there? 
Banana. 
Banana who? 
Knock knock. 
Who's there? 
Banana. 
Banana who? 
Knock knock. 
Who's there? 
Banana. 
Banana who? 
Knock knock. 
Who's there? 
Orange. 
Orange who? 
Orange you glad I didn't say "banana"?

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jokes for kids -32-

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Knock Knock Jokes


Knock knock. 
Who's there? 
Doris. 
Doris who? 
Doris locked, that's why I'm knocking!






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Knock Knock Jokes

Knock knock. 
Who's there? 
Cash. 
Cash who? 
No thanks, but I would like a peanut instead!





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HAVAII OR HAWAII


Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii."

They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii."

"Thank you," says the satisfied first man.

"You're velcome," replies the passerby.








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jokes for kids -29-

 jokes for kids -29- Funny pics 
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 jokes for kids 

MATERIAL DAMAGE


A yuppie was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie complained bitterly about the damage to his car.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!"

"You yuppies are so materialistic, it's ridiculous" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off."


"Oh, my God!" screamed the yuppie, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. "My Rolex!"



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jokes for kids -28-

 jokes for kids -28- Funny pics 
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CARROTS


Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
A: Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?


ARKANSAS DENTISTS


Q: Why are there hardly any dental professionals in Arkansas?

A: Because it takes 35 patients to make a full set of teeth


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 jokes for kids 


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jokes for kids -27-

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THE DEAD DOG
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 jokes for kids 


There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved, and he followed her everywhere. One morning she woke up, went to the bathroom, came out, and realized that her dog wasn't at her feet. She found him in his bed ''sleeping''. She called his name, but he didn't get up. So she took him to the vet and told the vet that her dog wouldn't wake up. So he looked at her dog and said, ''Your dog is dead''. She asked the doctor to perform another test to be sure.
The doctor went into another room, and came back with a cage. In it there was a cat. He let the cat out, and she walked arund the dog, sniffed, and went back in her cage. The doc put the cat back in the other room. He came out and said again, ''Your dog is dead''.
She was like ''Ok, how much do I owe you?''
The doctor said ''$300''
She said, ''What!?!? How could it cost that much??''

He said ''$15 for me to say he was dead. Then $285 for the cat scan''

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jokes for kids -26-

 jokes for kids -26- Funny pics 

BOUNCING BABY BOY BALLS

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 jokes for kids 

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.

Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''

So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."

''Why?' asked the head nurse.

"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The 
boy is obviously half nuts."



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 jokes for kids 


 jokes for kids
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jokes for kids -25-

jokes for kids -25-

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jokes for kids 

DENTIST


A lady walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, ''I think you have the wrong room.''

''You put in my husband's teeth last week," the lady said. "Now you have to remove them."




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jokes for kids -24-

jokes for kids -24-


DELIVERY COINCIDENCES
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jokes for kids 


Four expectant fathers pace in a hospital waiting room while their wives are in labor. The nurse enters and tells the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins."

"What a coincidence," the man says. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."

A little later, the nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets."

"That's really an incredible coincidence," he answers. "I work for the 3M Corporation."

An hour later, the nurse tells the third man that his wife has just given birth to quadruplets.

The man says, "I don't believe it! I work for the Four Seasons. What a coincidence!"


After hearing this, everyone's attention turns to the fourth guy, who has just fainted. He slowly regains consciousness and whispers, "I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers."

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jokes for kids -23-

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CONSTRUCTION CODE

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jokes for kids


A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "need", then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw".
The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate.
The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, ''What the hell is wrong with you!?! Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!''

The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, ''I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming.''




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jokes for kids -22-

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 CHRISTMAS BONUS


Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?

Secretary: My lawyer.





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BEAUTIFUL?
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jokes for kids 


A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"

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jokes for kids -20-

jokes for kids -20-

 IN CIDER
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jokes for kids


A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider.

"Why do you want a glass of cider?" the teacher asks.

"To take away the pain," sobs the little girl.

"What do you mean?" the teacher asks.

"Well," sobs the little girl. "I overheard my big sister say that whenever she has a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."




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BARBIE'S CHRISTMAS BEAU


A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."






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NO CAVITIES


One fine afternoon, a smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit. He called out, “Hey mom, I have no cavities today.”
His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised. But she smiled and then frowned knowing the expected. “Let me guess,” she said, “You have not a tooth left.”






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jokes for kids -17-

jokes for kids -17-

 ANNOYING BOY ON BUS

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jokes for kids -17-

A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull."

The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on. "If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick."

The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?"

The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."

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THE BOSS
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jokes for kids


One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''

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DISNEY DIVORCE COURT


Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court.

"Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me."

"I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."





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  jokes for kids -14-

DEVIL IN THE CHURCH


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  jokes for kids
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

jokes for kids -13-

jokes for kids -13-

DEAD AGAIN


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jokes for kids
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"



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